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I was married with a Russian woman. The person I had loved most in my life. I loved her very much. We have had a daughter in 2009. My wonderful daughter was born. But I had been able to be with her only till her 1,5 age.

I just had problems with my stepdaughter who she was 9 when I got marry with my ex wife. My step daughter has a difficult character as well as me and it started challenges, problems and conflicts soon. She had been without father and with his very few love and attention since her 4 years old. She is a leo as zodiac sign and requires a kingdom to decree and she had always had such conditions as her mom feels responsibility in her bad fate. But I could not accept to be managed by a 9 years old girl. And I was not mature and experienced enough at parenting to manage the circumstance. An endless struggle and competition started and it leaded problems with my wife. I commented her acts as violations of my rights and tried not to give permission. Now I feel regret for some of my acts very much. Moreover I realise that in some cases I was not right and I did injustices to my step daughter as she did minor mistakes which any girl in her age could do. Poor my wife had to pay the price and took the consequences once more by destroying her life and marriage. She is so unlucky as not to have a good life and destiny till now though she deserves.

So my wife left me and turned back to Russia with the kids in 2011. After 3 years of separation we divorced with her in August 2014. And she declared she found a new lover, an Englishman from London and she got marry with him in February 2016. She says she will bring the kids to England including my daughter. Poor my daughter she has two citizenships to Russia and Turkey. She can not live in one of these her own countries but she has to be as a migrant in England instead. And the worst is that she will has spent almost all her life without her father since her 1,5.

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7/4/14

The situation leads a new level of my exam.

My wife's love affair with her English darling has diveded me into two parts. The consequences of my love to her requires contrary reactions and feelings. There are two "me" in my body now fighting each other and this struggle is probably one of the most cruel challenges one may face in his life. I envy her like crazy. But I should be happy for her to be happy finally. I can not want and wish her to be alone life long if I love her as it is not good for anybody. I should want everything good for her, I should be glad with her benefits. Poor her, she had been alone for almost 3 years. Her soul and body need somebody and since I can not be him, I should even thank him, I should be grateful to him in a way. I remember our good days,smiling suits her very much. LEt her smile a bit after a long break. She certainly deserves happiness. But is it so easy? Jealousy ie also a dominant feeling and a reality as a concequence of love. I will survey its mechanism in my next post. My wife is also a jealous person.

My extraordinary experience with my wife, our story, the issue is being get mutation, becomes more and more complicated, gets new dimentions with new levels of exam for me and is going on to have had the lessons of my life.

Believe me it is terrible to have two contrary feelings for one thing and you would never want to experience it ever.
zaman:

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