We celebrated so once upon times.

Do you remember that Italian restourant?

 

 

 



Evening at home.

I know you dont, but I celebrate our marriage anniversary.

Please dont consider I am not normal due to it. Even Russian literature is full of examples of loving husbands unilaterally. Men love their wifes without a responce. ... day by day I discover more and more my mistakes, things I made wrong to you. I constantly re consider again and again everything we lived. I find more and more things to regret for. And they prove me your worth to be even more than I could understand. It makes me appreciate you even more. And even for your negative responce to me today I can not blame you. I am like fool found a treasure but through it back to the sea.

Do you blame me not to love you enough to appreciate in our good days or to continue to love you still?

Forgive me.

Poor my wonderfull daughter. You are unlucky as much as me. You are unlucky to be my daughter. I had to wait for years by dreaming a happy family. When I got merry with your mom and then when you were born, I thought it was the prize of my patience. You are a perfect dauhgter and I love you very much.

But unfortunatelly I had a great role in your bad fate inadvertently. I was one of main factors caused you to face with such a terrible situation. Lack of father especially when you need most as so small 3,5 years old.

My lovely, I appologize you millions of times for this.

You are a wonderfull girl for any father to love but I have one more reason to love you. You are the only thing left to me belongs to your mom. The last peice of her has remained to me.

Forgive me my sweet lovely daughter, I can not be with you, protect you, help you when you need. Your mom lost her love to me, started to hate me just because of she felt I was not glad with her daughter's caprices. I never beat her even one time, even did not berate. But it was enough for your mom to cease to love me just because she felt I did not like her daughter's behaivours. Your mom berated her when it s necessary but she prohibited me. She requested me to love her daughter, to smile, to pamper in any case. she did not love me last year of our marriage before she left me. But I can not do anything to protect you. Your mom sometimes berates you, perhaps beats you when she needs. Your senior sister often berates you and even one time during a Skype session I saw she beat your head. Many times I saw scars in diffirent places of your body. You say your senior sister's cat scrabbles you. It s free to do anything to my daughter for everybody. It makes my heart bleeding.

Do you need low temparatures to feel cold?

It s not new I lost you both. It may be expected me to be used to in time. I should start to forget, at least accept the reality. The suffer should be less and easier. I know why it s not so with me. Because I have had hopes and plans till now. I have had solution options for possible problems stopping me to achieve you. Finally I consumed them all. First time they have been attemped and finished. To think I will live without you makes me feel like I will live the rest of my life in a prisson with life long penalty. A life I never want. In a meaning I broke up with you just now since I lost even the hope. You know it s the last element left in Pandora's box and to realize an empty box leads a panic.

My darling you consider it s not a normal behaviour to persist on you so much. You believe my these desperat love letters prove me to be psychologically ill. You consider any normal person does not write these post. I give you guarranty any loved man feels the same but my only difference is to write my feelings due to my open character, sincerity and frankness. I want to share with you by this way due to my principal of to be honest and open to you and I just dont try to hide from people due to my advanced self confidence.

Everybody has good and bad periods in life. I know how to effort and wait with patient. By my faith and self confidence, I am usually problem resistant and can be afloat strongly. If I can not achive something, I just settle for less and smaller. But first time now, when I loose my hope for the most important one I feel so hopeless, useless and unnecessary. Unusual for my well self confidence sometimes I feel myself very frightened and weak. I tremble sometimes. Even in -30 in last winter in Russia I did not feel so cold.

My St. Valentine's day.

.

My favorite Venice carnival is the sign of my sorrow and lonelelyness now.

You are in Venice carnival.
HAve you liked it? As much as you liked Yalikavak in Bodrum?
What are you doing there? Daytime and nighttime.
I try to imagine.
You dont like to drink and nightlife.
How might you spend time alone abroad in a country you have never been before, you can not speak its language.
Is not it boring?
How are you entertained?
With whome?
Do you feel lonely as alone?
It might be fantastic for me to go there together.
Italy has been my favourite.
I would want to experience such a romantic opportunity with you.
Do you feel romance in such an extreme conditions?
You are in Venice now, carnival time.
How do you spend time?
What are you doing?
How did you go?
I dont know.
 

I think I missed you both.

2 nights ago I saw you in my dream. We recovered our affair. We were as lovers again.

And the next night I saw my daughter.

Your song about birds.