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I was married with a Russian woman. The person I had loved most in my life. I loved her very much. We have had a daughter in 2009. My wonderful daughter was born. But I had been able to be with her only till her 1,5 age.

I just had problems with my stepdaughter who she was 9 when I got marry with my ex wife. My step daughter has a difficult character as well as me and it started challenges, problems and conflicts soon. She had been without father and with his very few love and attention since her 4 years old. She is a leo as zodiac sign and requires a kingdom to decree and she had always had such conditions as her mom feels responsibility in her bad fate. But I could not accept to be managed by a 9 years old girl. And I was not mature and experienced enough at parenting to manage the circumstance. An endless struggle and competition started and it leaded problems with my wife. I commented her acts as violations of my rights and tried not to give permission. Now I feel regret for some of my acts very much. Moreover I realise that in some cases I was not right and I did injustices to my step daughter as she did minor mistakes which any girl in her age could do. Poor my wife had to pay the price and took the consequences once more by destroying her life and marriage. She is so unlucky as not to have a good life and destiny till now though she deserves.

So my wife left me and turned back to Russia with the kids in 2011. After 3 years of separation we divorced with her in August 2014. And she declared she found a new lover, an Englishman from London and she got marry with him in February 2016. She says she will bring the kids to England including my daughter. Poor my daughter she has two citizenships to Russia and Turkey. She can not live in one of these her own countries but she has to be as a migrant in England instead. And the worst is that she will has spent almost all her life without her father since her 1,5.

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6/14/14

Our Swan lake story.

What a chance it was. How easy everything was. But now I can not be your lover even with much more effort. It was a miracle and you were a chance for me then. How we have lost at all at once? Poor you, poor us. Who can I be for you now? To be whom can you give me permision?

Pessimistically an enemy, optimistically a friend who applause your happiness with Colin. Both are too bad for me. What are my options? You just may be a foe or friend in time. Or can you be a well preserved love saved forever in my heart? As it is told in the soundtrack of Titanic "you are safe in my heart" Is not it possible to keep you as my lover even at least in my dreams? Does it happen an inevitable mutation in the identity of our relation with every further communication? You may be my lover forever only if I stay away from you? You are like a butterfly for me now. I should love from distance but not touch. You appeared to me magically like a forest spirt, so wonderfull and fascinating but not belong to me but free.

It reminds me "Swan lake ballet." My loved has been shot and injured. She is bleeding and needs to be cured. I can not do it but somebody else. If I capture her she may die in my arms. She can not be with me even for minutes but she will be in me forever.
zaman:

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