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I was married with a Russian woman. The person I had loved most in my life. I loved her very much. We have had a daughter in 2009. My wonderful daughter was born. But I had been able to be with her only till her 1,5 age.

I just had problems with my stepdaughter who she was 9 when I got marry with my ex wife. My step daughter has a difficult character as well as me and it started challenges, problems and conflicts soon. She had been without father and with his very few love and attention since her 4 years old. She is a leo as zodiac sign and requires a kingdom to decree and she had always had such conditions as her mom feels responsibility in her bad fate. But I could not accept to be managed by a 9 years old girl. And I was not mature and experienced enough at parenting to manage the circumstance. An endless struggle and competition started and it leaded problems with my wife. I commented her acts as violations of my rights and tried not to give permission. Now I feel regret for some of my acts very much. Moreover I realise that in some cases I was not right and I did injustices to my step daughter as she did minor mistakes which any girl in her age could do. Poor my wife had to pay the price and took the consequences once more by destroying her life and marriage. She is so unlucky as not to have a good life and destiny till now though she deserves.

So my wife left me and turned back to Russia with the kids in 2011. After 3 years of separation we divorced with her in August 2014. And she declared she found a new lover, an Englishman from London and she got marry with him in February 2016. She says she will bring the kids to England including my daughter. Poor my daughter she has two citizenships to Russia and Turkey. She can not live in one of these her own countries but she has to be as a migrant in England instead. And the worst is that she will has spent almost all her life without her father since her 1,5.

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1/27/13

Something new for me.

I realized that I started loved kids much more. Especially small ones. At the same age of mine. I started to interested in with them, care of them and worry about. BEfore I slightly ignored them. They did not take my attention so much, I even surprised of people loved kids so much.

I think I set a parallelism with my own. It occurs a link in my mind to my own daughter when I see a small kid. When something bad happens to a child I get upset very much.

On the other hand I unfortunately realize one more thing I feel with them. I envy when I see a kid with the parents. And then I am ashamed about it. It s very unusual and strange for me by my strong self confidence till now.

I get upset very much me and my lovely daughter dont have an opportunity the amazing pleasant moments. The worst truth is it is not reversible. Its time will never come back for us.
zaman:

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