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I was married with a Russian woman. The person I had loved most in my life. I loved her very much. We have had a daughter in 2009. My wonderful daughter was born. But I had been able to be with her only till her 1,5 age.

I just had problems with my stepdaughter who she was 9 when I got marry with my ex wife. My step daughter has a difficult character as well as me and it started challenges, problems and conflicts soon. She had been without father and with his very few love and attention since her 4 years old. She is a leo as zodiac sign and requires a kingdom to decree and she had always had such conditions as her mom feels responsibility in her bad fate. But I could not accept to be managed by a 9 years old girl. And I was not mature and experienced enough at parenting to manage the circumstance. An endless struggle and competition started and it leaded problems with my wife. I commented her acts as violations of my rights and tried not to give permission. Now I feel regret for some of my acts very much. Moreover I realise that in some cases I was not right and I did injustices to my step daughter as she did minor mistakes which any girl in her age could do. Poor my wife had to pay the price and took the consequences once more by destroying her life and marriage. She is so unlucky as not to have a good life and destiny till now though she deserves.

So my wife left me and turned back to Russia with the kids in 2011. After 3 years of separation we divorced with her in August 2014. And she declared she found a new lover, an Englishman from London and she got marry with him in February 2016. She says she will bring the kids to England including my daughter. Poor my daughter she has two citizenships to Russia and Turkey. She can not live in one of these her own countries but she has to be as a migrant in England instead. And the worst is that she will has spent almost all her life without her father since her 1,5.

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3/30/14

Maslenitsa with a 2 years delay.

Maslenitsa also known as Butter WeekCrepe week, orCheesefare Week), is an Eastern Slavic religious and folk holiday. It is celebrated during the last week before Great Lent—that is, the seventh week before Eastern Orthodox Pascha (Easter).

The most characteristic food of Maslenitsa is bliny (pancakes or crepes). Round and golden, they are made from the rich foods still allowed by the Orthodox tradition that week: butter, eggs and milk. During pagan times, the round and golden shape and color signified praise to the Sun because of pancakes' resemblance to it.

The last day of Cheesefare Week is called "Forgiveness Sunday", indicating the desire for God's forgiveness that lies at the heart of Great Lent.[1] AtVespers on Sunday evening, all the people make a poklon (bow) before one another and ask forgiveness, and thus Great Lent begins in the spirit of reconciliation and Christian love. Another name for Forgiveness Sunday is "Cheesefare Sunday," because for devout Orthodox Christians, it is the last day on which dairy products may be consumed until Easter. Fish, wine and olive oil will also be forbidden on most days of Great Lent. The day following Cheesefare Sunday is called Clean Monday, because everyone has confessed their sins, asked forgiveness, and begun Great Lent with a clean slate.












Early spring in 2012 we were sitting next to each other in a train from Moscow to Vladimir with my wife. It was a wonderfull day. She was reading a magazine and saw an announcement about Maslenitsa activities in Suzdal. She explained Maslenitsa to me and talked about that "forgiveness". I asked her if I could try my chance. She surprisingly replied "of course everybody could try his chance". She said there would be some events like a festival in that wonderfull historical village and suggested to go with children. It was a great idea and like a miracle for me, too good and surprising to be offered from her to do something together. I can not explain how much I wanted it. But the next day it hapened somethng bad again and after that confliction she gave up from the idea. Since then I have kept that dream to realize that excursion and her acceptance.

Finally I could find the opportunity this year. I asked for permission for a visit and I synchronized the date to Maslenitsa. My wife accepted to be together in Maslenitsa forgiveness sunday but not to go to Suzdal. She said it is not a good idea to visit there with kids. She went last year's Maslenitsa and it was difficult and tiring there with kids. She said she decided not to go to Suzal with kids no more. Whereas she visited there after last Maslenitsa, just at the new year holiday. Even there photos of that visit in her blog but I think she just forgat about them for a moment. I think basically she just did not want to go there with me. Anyway it s bothersome for me.

However I could find an opportunity to apologize from my wife and all the family members during the celebration while eating Bliney at home. She said she accepted my apologize. But nothing changed. She has still continued to hate me. She continues to aviod any communication, any contact and our relation is still very bad though her acceptance.

Let somebody correct me please if I am mistaken but to forgive something, is not it to forget all the bad things with all consequences? Does not it require to change your attitude? If you accept to forget somebody's sins dont they become irrelevant all the punishments, your countermeasures, your reactions and basivally all the resuts? Dont we hope it to happen so when we wish to be forgiven by the God?

3/29/14

I have several reasons.

You asked me a question on phone that day while we were discussing on your plans to move abroad that "what is the difference for you if our daughter lives in Russia or an other country"?

Actually I can live with you anywhere in the world. I would come with you anywhere you want if you allowed me, if we could be together. But you strongly refuse this. I just have an opportunity to live in the same country and city with you but seperately to be able to meet with my daughtyer more often and to be able to see you even from a distance. So I have to move you to that country you will live.

But there are several problems for me at it.

1. I love Russia and it is pleasure for me to be there though its all difficulties, defects and problems. But probably you plan to a western country I never like.

2. It is relatively easier for me to find a way to earn money and to establish a life in Russia due to good commercial relations and opportunities between Turkey and Russia.

3. WE are still married and I can stay in Russia by this marriage as a foreigner but how can I stay in that country?

4. Now I can visit you a few times a year and I can accommodate in your mom's home for a few days and meanwhile I can be with my daughter, I can spend time together, palying games together indoor even in winter cold wheather. But I dont think you can give me permission to accommodate in your home. Especially if you plan to move to an other country because of a possible mariage it is totally impossible for me. Besides it is a real disaster for me to learn this and nevertheless to witness personally.

5. I dont want my daughter to be brought up in the western culture.

3/19/14

Let the west back out of Russia.

My wife started to address me as "my darling" in some her e mails or SMSs. To gibe with me. She did not do it when we were really darling. As a joke it was impossible her to use this worthy word to a stranger. And also it is because of she respected everybody, she was serious, chilly and attentive to be avioded to make such jokes. She is real, honest and clear to everybody whether she loves or not.

Even one time she wrote that "you fucked my love to you." She never used that word in our good days. Even when we did it she always used "to make love". She even got angry to me if I used such a word. She was too polite to talk dirty things.

She writes "u" as "you" and "r" as "are" now. As youth of popular banal culture do it in cyber. She placed value everything, took seriously and she had respect to everything in past, even words and letters. After we broke up she have had many new friends from internet. She started to spend time with those men for many hours in Skype, her blog, Youtube, Facebook etc every day. They spread their ugly habits, bad style. My wife has her original pure, clean, innocent and conservative style. Russian and oriental. Real, honest and decent. Indications of western impudent, pert and foolish culture never suits her.

Those men are threat not only to me but also for her but just she is not aware of this yet.

I am very glad with western sanctions to Russia over Crimea crisis.


3/8/14

Thanks to Scorpions.

It s a case does not require any words for me by their masterpiece with the lyrics fit me perfectly.

There should be somebody else in the same situation as I did not write the song.

It is dedicated to me my everything.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fcsxRGjbqiI

3/7/14

Can steel have a chance against ice?

When a woman gets offended once, she loses her love for you, nothing can change this. It is certain and permanent. You can never repair her love. Whatever you do, even if you are better then you were when she fell in love with youonce upon times, even f you treat her better now she never turns back to you. She never gives you once more chance-or to herself.-

But look at men, not only me but all during the history. It is so easy propitiate them back after any faulty of a beloved woman. Even if a woman left him, she may tun back to him and restart the affair in most cases. Her chance to be forgiven is much more by the former lover. Not because of men's impudence. Women call this difference as womanly pride but the genius Freud explains uch cases with the difference of self confidence. Men's loves can be repaired easily like a car made of metal.

I think women's love is made of ice meanwhile unlikely men's which made of steel. There are too many examples of sacrifices of men for women. We utilize the marvelous masterpieces of loving composers, artists, poets. Loving emperors, kings, politicians or businessmen have given up from their everything and took great risks for their beloveds. Countless men could not forget their great loves during the history and devoted their whole lifes to those women. But is there any example, music, novel, poem or game created for a man by a woman? So I think we can say men's loves are more solid, reliable and doughty. But is it stronger? We got the answer by Titanic incident.

After a crash women's love get pieces and then melt into the ocean. It becomes water again to be formed ice once more later for somebody else. But man's love remains as an useless wreck to him to occupy his heart forever.