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I was married with a Russian woman. The person I had loved most in my life. I loved her very much. We have had a daughter in 2009. My wonderful daughter was born. But I had been able to be with her only till her 1,5 age.

I just had problems with my stepdaughter who she was 9 when I got marry with my ex wife. My step daughter has a difficult character as well as me and it started challenges, problems and conflicts soon. She had been without father and with his very few love and attention since her 4 years old. She is a leo as zodiac sign and requires a kingdom to decree and she had always had such conditions as her mom feels responsibility in her bad fate. But I could not accept to be managed by a 9 years old girl. And I was not mature and experienced enough at parenting to manage the circumstance. An endless struggle and competition started and it leaded problems with my wife. I commented her acts as violations of my rights and tried not to give permission. Now I feel regret for some of my acts very much. Moreover I realise that in some cases I was not right and I did injustices to my step daughter as she did minor mistakes which any girl in her age could do. Poor my wife had to pay the price and took the consequences once more by destroying her life and marriage. She is so unlucky as not to have a good life and destiny till now though she deserves.

So my wife left me and turned back to Russia with the kids in 2011. After 3 years of separation we divorced with her in August 2014. And she declared she found a new lover, an Englishman from London and she got marry with him in February 2016. She says she will bring the kids to England including my daughter. Poor my daughter she has two citizenships to Russia and Turkey. She can not live in one of these her own countries but she has to be as a migrant in England instead. And the worst is that she will has spent almost all her life without her father since her 1,5.

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5/25/14

Poor my step daughter.



This is a page of my step daughter's diary she logged when she lived in Istanbul.

She says she felt regret to come to Istanbul. Wants to turn back to Russia. She wrote ENOUGH! Only her mom and small sister loves and cares her. She says she does not love me.

I did not know she suffered so much. She had so much problems and felt so unpleasant. She did not look so. In my opinion she did not have reasons to be so unhappy since everything was in her service. I did never beat her, abused her, berated her. She did everything she needed and her necessities were never ignored as far as possible. It s certain she was much more prime than me and anybody else in the family. Does it mean everything was perfect for her and she did not have any dfficulties? No. She had a communication problem with almost everybody because of a langauge barrier. Her only freinds were one small girl named Leyla, her mom and her 1 y.o. sister as much she can do it. And these are not easy and basic problems. I am aware this within my level of consciousness today. But it was very pity to my wonderfull wife to be too late to understand something now. She was the victim of mitakes of all of us. She had to lose her marriage and family and happiness once more. I love her very much very very much but I was so harmfull to her with my stupidness. I learn now from my step daughter's diary she suffered of love and attention, friendship and communication. And I did not understand her and help her. She was unhappy with the feeling to be ignored and isolated meanwhile I was feeling to be a stranger and so lonely in my own family. I thought and felt that my wife and my step daughter were allies against me like a front. I considered my step daughter would not want to communicate with me and refuse freindship and sharing something. I thought she was just making caprice. I wish she preferred to speak with me, negotiate her problems instead of just  to hate me. I frankly wanted and tried to love her. I did not have any reason to prefer not to love my step daughter. Years ago when I saw my step daguhter for the first time, I had hopes to be a real father and daughter. I was too optimistic perhaps ignoring our charecter differences but it certainly deserved to tolerate and try to understand her. Why should I have preferred not to love her from the begining since I had plans to live together? What could it be any possible benefit with a hostility with the person the most beloved of my most beloved? It would be no sence to start a life with an aim to live with a girl I would not love.

I wish I tried to speka with her. I wish my step daughter listened me, try to understand me. I wish we could see points of views of each other and not have lived these pains not only to each other but most importantly the real victims, my wife and my small daughter. In her diary my step daughter says I did not care her. Though I have always loved her, I did not care also my wife enough.

Poor my wonderful lovely wife, though such a big pressure on her from her daughter she resisted to leave me, to break up till the last moment, till I forced her by my crazy suggestion to send her daughter to Russia to the grandparents. She tried to save our marriage and stuggle for our possible happy future with great sacrificing. Even under so unfavorable conditions.

Because of this I adore her still. I can never replace her with somebody. I can never love any other woman after a perfect one.
zaman:

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