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I was married with a Russian woman. The person I had loved most in my life. I loved her very much. We have had a daughter in 2009. My wonderful daughter was born. But I had been able to be with her only till her 1,5 age.

I just had problems with my stepdaughter who she was 9 when I got marry with my ex wife. My step daughter has a difficult character as well as me and it started challenges, problems and conflicts soon. She had been without father and with his very few love and attention since her 4 years old. She is a leo as zodiac sign and requires a kingdom to decree and she had always had such conditions as her mom feels responsibility in her bad fate. But I could not accept to be managed by a 9 years old girl. And I was not mature and experienced enough at parenting to manage the circumstance. An endless struggle and competition started and it leaded problems with my wife. I commented her acts as violations of my rights and tried not to give permission. Now I feel regret for some of my acts very much. Moreover I realise that in some cases I was not right and I did injustices to my step daughter as she did minor mistakes which any girl in her age could do. Poor my wife had to pay the price and took the consequences once more by destroying her life and marriage. She is so unlucky as not to have a good life and destiny till now though she deserves.

So my wife left me and turned back to Russia with the kids in 2011. After 3 years of separation we divorced with her in August 2014. And she declared she found a new lover, an Englishman from London and she got marry with him in February 2016. She says she will bring the kids to England including my daughter. Poor my daughter she has two citizenships to Russia and Turkey. She can not live in one of these her own countries but she has to be as a migrant in England instead. And the worst is that she will has spent almost all her life without her father since her 1,5.

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7/27/12

What do you afraid of?

We fell in love and started the love affair very fast 4 years ago. I have not been changed. I would like to be able to admited to show you my real feelings now. I consider you would not happy with my care and attention now and I treat you formal just because of my respect to you. I wish to be free to be able to express what still I feel for you, like I could do 4 years ago. But their effects on you has changed dramatically. You say you believe you made a mistake to choose me, to love me, to get marry with me. Now you try to be rescued from me. How do you know if you are not making a mistake with your this decision now? If you consider you may make such great mistakes, if you dont trust your decisions, how can you be sure about your recent decision now? You consider you could realize your mistake about me 3 years later. Is it possible 3 years later you will realize it was a mistake to leave me? Is there a guarranty you dont make a mistake now? Everything I did then which provided you to fall in love with me has no effect on you now. Even they have negative effects. Trying to reach at you brings me more far away from you. But my darling how can you be sure which of your feelings and emotions about me are right and real? Which of them are reliable? If you dont trust yourself to feel correctly,  If you believe events may stimulate you for fake feelings like it happened with me, you should not trust your feelings for your recent beloveds too in this case.

But I eleminate such a possibility. You feel correctly, to everybody including me. You were right to love me and even you may love me now and you do. Though very very few. That s why you prohibit me to express myself and to reach at your heart.

I love you very much. And you exactly deserve.
zaman:

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